Firstly, it is not just your womb that is pregnant, despite what Hollywood and most celebrities would have you believe, your pregnant self is not you + a lovely round tummy. Every single bit of your body does weird and wonderful things during pregnancy, some can be explained, some of it, quite frankly, is just Mother Nature taking the piss.
A, your skin - it might be glowing, it might be greasy and covered in spots. You might get weird dark patches of pigmentation, it might get dry, you might sweat way more than normal. Most of this is down to hormones, the sweating thing is down to carrying a hot water bottle in your stomach.
B, your internal organs - they'll get squashed. With Moobles, by the time she was nearly cooked I was regularly being sick when I ate because there was just no room for the food anymore. Heartburn is a fun one, mainly due to your stomach being squished, but also, the hormones which work to relax your muscles, do a grand job of relaxing the muscle at the top of your stomach too, allowing it's contents to creep back out. The sickness is also fun, it's not guaranteed, but most women get some kind of Morning Sickness, some lucky ladies even get Hyperemesis which means they're puking pretty much 24/7 and can require IV meds and hospitalisation.
C, your bum - piles, constipation, the runs, needing to pee every 5 minutes, incontinence. All common pregnancy side-effects, none of them are much fun. Most of them you can do something about though, so don't suffer in silence!
D, your skeleton - the hormones chugging about your system relax not only your muscles, but the ligaments too, and your whole body actually gets wider to accommodate a growing baby and facilitate it's exit. This means your clothes won't fit, you'll need new bras and if you're unlucky (like me) some bits will take this a bit far and it can get quite painful. I've had PGP in all three pregnancies, which basically means the joint at the front of my pelvis is too wide, and it's inflamed which means my pelvis wiggles rather than being stable - it hurts, and last time led to me hobbling around on crutches.
E, your boobs - in preparation for breastfeeding, your boobs grow. marvellous you might think, but wait, they also get super sensitive and sore, so you'll probably want to operate a "look but don't touch" policy with your other half. They also might start leaking colostrum, or they might not, or one will leak more than the other. It's all normal, and none of it will have any bearing on how successful you'll be at breastfeeding, you might want to stock up on breastpads now though, and don't buy the cheap ones, you'll regret it when you're trying to disguise the circular shape showing through your clothes. I liked the Tommee Tippee Closer to nature ones personally.
F, your ladygarden - you'll be more prone to thrush, you might get varicose veins in delicate areas (yes really, but these resolve post-childbirth) you might completely go off sex, or you might want to jump your partner at every opportunity. And, most importantly, you'll soon be unable to see it! I'm reliably informed that midwives couldn't care less whether your garden is neatly trimmed or not, so don't panic on that account.
G, your mind - yes, pregnancy messes with your brain too. This can range from bizarre and vivid dreams, to being a bit over-emotional and highly strung and can even reach the point of ante-natal depression. Being a bit emotional is one thing, but if you're seriously down and miserable, please talk to someone about it, there is help out there and no-one will judge you as a bad mother or just being "a bit hormonal".
By no means does everyone get all, or even most of these, but if you're pregnant, and it's not the rosy, glowy, fun time you thought it was going to be, you're not alone! And if you're not pregnant, I hope I haven't put you off too much, this isn't meant to be a pregnancy horror story, just a little dose of reality to counteract all those OK! magazine shoots with slim, happy-to-be-pregnant celebs!
And if you're reading this and think I've missed some stuff out, feel free to comment and add your wisdom!
So true! I tried to trim my lady garden when heavily pregnant, resulted in an ingrown hair. Not nice and rather painful! PGP is no fun :-( Hope you're doing ok x
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